Monday 9 December 2013

Pulling the goalie-a controversial move.

As a mama, I have to make decisions about the social lives of my very young girls. These decisions are often, not well received. By other adults.

While I have only just returned to watching hockey on a regular basis, I think of the mama decisions as akin to whether or not the goalie should be pulled at close to the end of the third period when the opposition is leading by one.  Sure, it puts six players on the ice that can all focus on scoring a game tying goal. But it also means that no one is on defense.  No one is guarding the net.  And a wide open net can be scored on from more than half way across the ice. By any of the five players who are already kicking your butt.

I feel at this point I should reiterate, I've only just returned to watching-that's watching-hockey. My husband Mark will surely laugh and have a few pointers for me on how to refine my analogy,  and having played hockey as a kid and watched it all of his life, I will certainly take his feedback and apply it for the future.  But onwards.

As  a mama, I have to consider all the possibilities before I agree to a big or small social event for my girls.  Sometimes it's easy.  Invited to the W's or the C's? Unless someone is contagious or immobile, Mark and I need that social time too, so we're going! Those two mamas parent like I do and won't bat an eyelash if I inform then my misbehaving kid has to stay by my side for a while.  They will just as quickly lend pjs and a blanket if someone gets sleepy.  

Going anywhere by car that required driving more then thirty minutes when C was a baby? Not going to happen. Not for strawberry picking nor seeing the pandas at the zoo.  That kid can scream for an hour straight at a deafening volume making it impossible to think near her never mind focus on traffic on the 401. 

Invited to an acquaintance's that we said yes to but my girls have a day of not listening and clearly need to unwind at home before an early bedtime? Sorry, I'm going to have to cancel even if it makes your kids sad.

 Invited to a loyal friend's annual family Christmas party? We're there, even if it is in shifts or just me or for a short time. 

Plans to go downtown on a Saturday that turn into a Sunday dinner "somewhere" without reservations during Christmas season and my girls have been hyper, need a bath, need to generally get ready for school and have an extra early start the next day when I'm on my own with three grumpy bears? Not going to happen. 

In all of those instances above and others where I have had to decline invitations or cancel plans, I'm never worried about the reaction of my girls but rather that of the adults involved.  Most of whom are parents.  I understand that you can't let your kids rule your life. But I also understand that I can't let an adult's expectations cloud what is best for my girls.  And generally, a warm bath, a hot dinner, and hanging out while listening to music and reading, trumps the hassle. The hassle, not of going out, but of everything going to hell in a hand basket when we get home again and I have uncooperative, overstimulated, exhausted children x 3!

Friday 6 December 2013

Favourite Things, Eh

Recently, a friend (I can call her that with complete confidence thorough we have never met in-person because she is the cousin of a super awesome friend in my life. So obviously if I knew her we'd be close in-person too!) posted about her favourite things on her blog, Full of Graces, http://fullofgraces.com 

In the interest of being honest, I need to fully disclose, I'm not an Oprah fan. No particular reason and no big rant about why. It's not a thing, it just is.  But as we all know, favourite things, is originally inspired by Sound of Music. And so, without any attempt at poetry or a posh English accent a la Julie Andrews! I bring you, by way of Mississauga, Ontario, Canada, a few of my favourite things in no particular order other then the order I remembered them in!

-The One of a Kind Christmas Show and Sale (http://www.oneofakindshow.com/toronto/index.php): I try to go to this show every year at Christmas. It's an eleven-day event featuring exhibitors from all across Canada (and possibly beyond, I'm not sure. The artisan website wasn't as transparent as it should be.) and their original art work ranging from jewellery to butcher blocks and knives. From puppets and superhero costumes to ridiculously expensive shortbread and jellies. From hats,scarves, purses, kids clothes, and baby clothes to wood carved pepper mills and chocolate everything!  There is stunning photography, frozen dips, smoked spices,and every kind of knitted or woven or crocheted garment imaginable.  Mostly I go to look, and to dream of what I would buy with unlimited funds. But I also always buy the duck rillettes from Les canardises; the lobster dip; and the Christmas pudding.  This year, my friend LW went for the first time and it was nice to experience the show with her for the first time "again".  When I arrived on site she was already there with another friend heading up aisle V. I felt that the ticket process took an absurdly long time, so when I got through the doors I headed to aisle T and zipped through. Then went over to aisle S when I got LW's text saying she was about to head over to aisle U! Whaaat? It was a good reminder to slow down, enjoy the sights, and artistry and talk to friends while I was at it.  I need reminding of that when I don't have my girls with me, Anxiety sets in like I'm forgetting something or about to be late for something so I rush around, heart thumping, as if I've just mainlined coffee. LW smartly advised I cash in my free drink voucher for a glass of cab-sauv rather then the bottle of caffeine I was eyeing.  Much better!

-Red wine.  An obvious choice, but I was recently introduced to a semi local (Niagara wine region is about 90 minutes away,  Well more like two hours seeing as I have to get three kids out the door and now drive a lot slower given my precious cargo and /or the precious cargo waiting for me at home if I'm alone) baco noir.  It is a Henry of Pelham and lays to rest my qualms that  Ontario reds just don't get enough sun and heat to fully develop.   Let's be honest. Red wine, full-stop, is a favourite thing but I'm trying to be Canadian! Yumm!  If you are looking for an Ontario white to try, I highly recommend Cave Springs Reisling.  It's not as sweet as you think it will be and almost has a bubble to it.  So delicious with curries, or oysters if you don't want bubbles, or a very large glass pairs quite well with it also.

-Montreal. Oh my gosh, if you haven't been you must, must, MUST go. The people are so lovely, and quite pretty to look at too. The food is delicious. The core is comprised of unique neighbourhoods and stores reflecting that.  The nightlife-not that I've partake in it in...how old is R?...is heavy on the dance music but music and bars abound. I would drop everything to move there with Mark and my girls. Cinq-a-sept is a thing there! Everyone works really hard until 4:59pm and then zoom! Off they jet to the bar for wine or cocktails from 5-to-7. Supper is later. And luxurious. Want Poutine? Go to the local dive. So good. Cider, in its standard form or ice cider, is so quaffable you might become an addict. The perfect escape to somewhere other then here is exemplified in the vieux ville (old part of the city on the water's edge).  It is a maze of cobblestone streets, horse drawn carriages, ultra modern spas, and churches more than a 100 years old that you can simply sit in and revel at the beauty or kneel and say a prayer of gratitude. Also? Boutique hotels. I made the mistake of staying at Hotel St.Paul (http://www.hotelstpaul.com/en/home.html) in June.  I will never be able to stay at a chain hotel again without sighing and moaning in despair.  The best guest services ever.  Toiletries you want to steal extras of but that are handed to you freely. Chocolate truffles on the pillows, a view and a restaurant named Hambar (http://www.hambar.ca) where they cure their own prosciutto type meats. I had Mother's Day Brunch there which included a Caesar served with the aforementioned bacon as a garnish. If you ever go, search here:  http://www.tourisme-montreal.org

-Malepeque Bay oysters.  Briny, succulent, like the sea in a mouthful of meaty deliciousness. I could eat dozens of these.  I have eaten dozens of these.  Just the thought of oysters makes me want to run out and buy some.   In fact, just the thought of horseradish ( and yes,I think of it more often than you'd think) makes me want to go get oysters. The worst thing I ever did was cultivate an appreciation for oysters in Mark because now I have to share.  

-Caesars (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesar_(cocktail)) when I was pregnant with L and then with C, I drank a lot of virgin Caesars. The juice, the spice, the salt, the vitamin c, the tangy notes of fresh lemon or lime, the horseradish (again! I should share my recipe for a horseradish sauce for grouper fillets). Pretty much all of the things my body wanted. I guess the craving stuck and I seriously can't get enough of them.

-The farmers market (April to October) Not only do I love my purchases but I love the experience.  I go with my girls every Friday. Before school so R can enjoy it too. I actually have a honey lady, and a venison and sausage family, a cheese lady, and yes, of course, a maple syrup guy. All of them are regular vendors at one of the local farmers market's. In Ontario we have arguably the best strawberries, incredible wild blueberries (I'd say the best are in Quebec), juicy peaches, sweet corn, and bursting with flavour heirloom tomatoes.  Sadly, all of it must be eaten in season or it just doesn't live up to the expectations.

And finally, I'm going to offer up something a little corny, a little cheesey, that's not actually edible: get-togethers.  I love hosting get togethers.  Big or small. Potluck or all my dishes.  Super informal or a little more organized.  With or without the skinny dipping in the summer after the kids go to bed. With kids or without. Mark and I are good co-hosts and we love throwing a party. Our recent wedding (September of this year) was so much fun it was pretty hard not say "getting married" as one of my favourite things.  But then again, it is.

Thursday 5 December 2013

Ten days until Christmas

Last year I got a new job in the middle of November. This year my contract was terminated Nov 29. And so while money for the new year is going to be tight, what better way to get ready for Christmas then a month off work to destress, enjoy my girls, make crafts with C, make cookies with my girls, decorate, and generally snuggle people I love in my pjs? No deadlines, no phone calls, no other people's urgent matters and angst. Being able to feel at peace with my girls, and with myself, is truly a gift I plan on relishing.  It is a rare opportunity that I do not intend to waste. Of course, I might be testing the resiliency of my inner peace on Boxing Day. (See the end of this post for how.)

It warms my heart, to use a cheesey expression to see my social media feeds filled with plans by other parents to downscale the Christmas pagentry and upscale the meaning of Christmas.  Ever since I met Mark and we spent our first Christmas mostly apart because of family obligations and circumstances beyond our control, I've been focused on spending Christmas being with people I love, who love me, and sharing good food, frequent hugs, a bottle of bubbly and one of Baileys, and a superhero movie. Because without the love and laughter of family and friends, it doesn't matter how many presents are under the tree. We have tried to maintain that tradition with his older kids and our girls. 

I don't think it would be stretching things to say that our Christmas revolves around feasting. I like  to plan our big meals over a couple of weekends with my girls and Mark. Ok, we start planning the weekend after Thanksgiving.  It's a thing for us.  Pouring over recipe books, flipping through magazines, pulling out the notebooks where all our feasts from the past ten years are written down. Trying to find the perfect balance between tradition and new. It's actually the perfect microcosm for our 
Christmas!

A friend of ours mentioned Christmas traditions and trying to decipher or distinguish between what is nostalgic and what is good.  I'm trying to build what is good and throw in some nostalgia, and limit the over indulgences for our girls. 

Some of our current favourite traditions are from our own childhood, from the books we read- The Nativity, The Polar Express-to the music we listen to: New-ish rock versions of Christmas carols mixed in with some German arrangements by James Last, a little Elvis, some John Denver and the Muppets, and of course, the classic crooners.  We put our own spin on this with newer books and listineing to the music every morning with the Christmas lights twinkling as we get ready for school. It is a fun way to start the morning and infact I may just keep the fairy lights up in the window for the long dark months of winter!  As a kid, we always made a semolina alcohol infused cake and milk toffee that was distributed to everyone we knew.  I don't have that with family and friends, but I'd like to start something similar, one year, when I'm more organized! But what we do have is the baking together, we bake and decorate sugar cookies and try new cookie recipes too.  This year we even made cake pops and it may or may not have been because the chocolate cake collapsed in here middle and I needed a solution. Let's just say they were appreciated and perhaps might become our tradition. Of course, there's a tree to decorate in a haphazard, all hands on deck way, and getting a real one every year is something Mark does for me and while I wish we could get it earlier, and always consider an artificial one, it's a tradition we have that I don't want to give up. We keep the presents hidden until just before Christmas because it adds to the anticipation. Though the stockings decorate the stairs from the time the lights go up.

Unlike when I was a kid, Santa, doesn't bring the big stuff. It has to fit In your stocking and tends to be more old fashioned like chocolate, a clementine, socks, and a little toy.  Every year we buy the girls a book, an outfit, Christmas Eve pjs and one other fun item.  Last year it was an easy bake oven.  For both of the bigger girls. Yes,that's right, a shared present. They are getting a shared gift this year too. I like to have my shopping done before the first. No need to think about navigating traffic and swarms of unhappy shoppers.  I spent too many years in retail to subject the poor employees to that.  Yes, I get it, the market and the economy, but sheesh, nothing about that requires you to be a complete pain in the ass as a shopper. 

But truth be told, I struggle with whether to take the girls to the shopping centres-I want them to see the lights and decorations because they are pretty but no one is calm in a busy mall so we drive around the various neighbourhoods. I'm also bit of a monster as I don't perpetuate the Santa myth. But, they believe though I don't encourage it and so that eases up on trying to get the picture if my girls on a strange man's lap. My little L is currently fascinated with the man in red and I briefly thought about taking her to the village at Sherway Gardens shopping centre when I was there for shampoo the other day. Side note, trust me, it was an essential visit or I wouldn't have been there as no one needs to see me without hair product! But from several stores away at 9:30am I could hear the shrill voices of the "elves" and hear the chaos of dozens of families crammed into the centre of the mall armed with toys to make their kids smile, cameras (multiple), and twice that number of kids split between being absolutely terrified and completely bouncing off the walls hyper.  

Nothing about that scenario said Christmas to me.  Nothing about that said , listen, prepare, be joyful, have hope, let the baggage go, exude peace.  As I thought about it, I realized that I don't have to indulge in my child's desire to go see Santa and write a wish list of presents to receive. Advent is a time of preparation, of hope and of anticipation. We just returned to church and while I have so many issues with the dogma and governance of the church (though I quite like Pope Francis!) my faith is important to me and I'm happy we are bringing that tradition back into our lives. It doesn't mean I have to blindly accept all of the church's traditions, but it also plays both ways: I don't have to accept all of the commercial traditions either!

Come to think of it, none of my girls have ever actually asked to do either of those things.  The grandparents ask for lists, which we reluctantly provide only to try to stay the influx of useless presents and aim for things the girls actually need and want.  My girls are pretty gracious kids so a book or a game would make them so happy if you would indulge them by reading to or playing with them.  Every animated movie on blu ray. Nope, don't need it.  Singing, flashing, plastic toys-nope. A CD of music you think or know they like or that you do-awesome!  Look, I get it, it's fun to buy gifts for kids and to wrap them and then watch them unwrap 'em. Take them for lunch, take them for a walk, take them sledding, take them shopping if you must because at least it will be an event. My girls have received gifts we have sent straight to goodwill the next day and we only felt guilty about the waste of money. If you have money to burn on my kids, they have a university education we need to help pay for!  It's interesting to me that R's godfather, who doesn't have kids, and only one nephew just a year or two older then R,gets it's he brings her chocolate and a gift card for books or music.  They eat the chocolate with her sisters and then he watches a movie with her and let's her read to him and they play a game or make a puzzle. Perfect! Another friend makes them presents that they love, but she also takes them swimming in the summer and for tacos, which they adore!

So here is where my inner peace is at risk. For the last three years we avoided the dual family get togethers at the holidays- but that was for us. Mark and I have a hard time navigating the demands on our families.  But maybe our girls would like to resume it. And maybe we need to just let it go and let it be what it will be. (Trust me, there are a few moments from our wedding that we are trying to forget involving our families being in the same place at the same time.  But at least the hostility wasn't directed at each other.) So we will give it a whirl again this year. We're thinking Boxing Day brunch. Extend the love by extending the feasting. Besides, it's not too early to pour some Bailey's into my coffee if it's brunch not breakfast right?